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DECLAN

Declan, as in me, myself, personally.

My name is Declan (Déaglán, amongst other variations, in Irish), and I pronounce it "DEK-lann". I don't use a nickname - though in Japan I'm sometimes called "Deku-chan" by female or older friends. The meaning of the name Declan is more or less lost to history. The name may have meant "full of goodness", a phrase that describes me very well, thank very much. Or possibly "Man of Prayer". Unfortunately neither of these are confirmable, not that it particularly matters whether it can be confirmed or not of course. Trust me.

The great Saint Declan was a 5th-century missionary and a very famous orator, so if you wouldn't mind, kindly bow gently in the direction of Ireland. Along with three other humble bishops (the Saints Ailbhe, Ciaran, and Ibar) it is widely believed that the ever so humble Declan preached in the emerald isle and converted the decies long before the arrival of that ophidiophobic but much more media savvy & self-aggrandising British blow in called ummm, Patrick or something. The authority of Ireland's patron saint would be dimmed somewhat if Patrick wasn't celebrated for converting the island, so naturally there is no mention of Declan in St. Patrick's autobiography. And so it is only out of respect for the humbleness of Declan that I have declined to propose renaming the extravaganza shutting Omotesando to traffic each March.

In 416 AD, a good 15 years or so before the arrival of St. Patrick, Declan built Ireland's earliest Christian settlement in Ardmore in County Waterford. This included an important monastery which played a vital role in spreading Christianity thoughout Ireland before it was re-introduced into a by now predominantly pagan Europe during the dark ages that followed the collapse of Rome. Maybe it is why I like building things. The remains of Declan's settlement can still be seen including a wonderful 29 meter high round tower. It is a fantastic structure, though admittedly not built until 8 centuries later (minor detail).

Declan's feast day is July 24th. Since your humble correspondent didn't rock up until October 4th, my middle name is Francis (as in "of Assisi")

If thou hast the right, O Erin,
to a champion of battle to aid thee
thou hast the head of a hundred
thousand, Declan of Ardmore. (from the Martyrology of Oengus)

I enjoyed visiting Ardmore for the first time back in 1984. Perhaps that was because until then I'd never met anyone named Declan. Come to think of it, I haven't met anyone named Declan since then either, but that would be mainly due to living almost my entire adult life in Japan, where Declans are as rare as bars with a good range of Irish Whiskey. Declan's well in Ardmore produced sweet tasting water, the sort of water I'd love to brew a fine black porter from given the chance. I have a photo of me being snapped in front of it lying around somewhere.

There are also many miracles attributed to St. Declan, especially in relation to St. Declan's stone. Declan's stone is ummm, a rock on Ardmore's beach. And to tell the truth, the beach is not the prettiest beach in the world. But never mind all that.

There are many legends referring to Declan's stone, and one more or less says that it was the unfortunately named Runanus who stuffed up. Runanus was one of that Declan's disciples, and seems to have been as forgetful as this Declan, and so accidently left that Declan's sacred bell in Wales, where it was no doubt being terrorised by the bloody Welsh with their close harmony singing. This was no ordinary sacred bell - it was the one Declan received directly from heaven (Beat that Patrick!) while celebrating mass somewhere during his trip back from Rome. The unfortunately named Runanus was let off the hook though, because after a quick prayer from Declan a stone got up, as stones do, headed across the water to Wales, and not only retrieved Declan's sacred bell from the karaoke hordes of Cymru & brought it back safely across the waves of the wild Irish Sea, but also guided Declan's boat to the safety of Waterford in a quite stunning encore performance.

The humble stone hasn't done a damn thing since, but given what it had already accomplished, it would be more than a little unreasonable to expect it to find the need to do so. Now I know that some of you punters out there might think this is not the most believable legend, but if you drink half a dozen glasses of good Irish Whiskey before you read it again I assure you that your faith will be strengthened considerably.

Go on. Half a dozen glasses first and then read it again, you bloody skeptic. And you can probably guess what I was drinking when I started writing this file.

So how did I get the wonderful name Declan?

Another gratuitous photo

My father wanted a fine Irish name for his first son, so naturally he chose the best one. Dad has always had magnificent taste. Fortunately my mother (gawdblesser), who also has usually had magnificent taste, became worried that a son with an unusual name would be teased in what used to be a conservative Australia. For a start, everyone in her family had a name with only one syllable. In other words, they were "Aussies". I think it was because her family lived in Nymagee, which is outback sheep country where there are so many flies you don't want to open your mouth for longer than necessary. The only exception I can remember of the "thou shall have a name of just one syllable" rule was an uncle named Reginald. Naturally they called him "Boy", even when he was an old man. But I digress again...

For this reason my older brother was saddled with the name Paul. The name Paul is nice and simple, with only one syllable. Short and neat. And you can close your mouth quicker to keep the flies out. Oh and there was some apostle named Paul who wrote a bunch of letters and stuff in a bastardised version of ancient greek or some other dead language. Not the sort of saint who could get a rock to fly across to Wales and back, though not too shabby as a fall back option I guess.

Naturally by the time Paul entered kindergarten, he'd probably met more people named Paul than I have had colds.

By the time I arrived 2 years later, my mother (gawdblesser again) had relented and agreed to my father's unusually keen sense of common sense. Not that my mother was wrong - to some extent I did get teased often - and probably would have more often had I grown up in a place like Nymagee instead of Sydney. However by the time I left for Japan the name Declan was becoming nearly as "Aussie" as Ahmad, Dimitri, Marcelo, Mehmet or Vlado. And even more common than Clint (more a sound effect than a name when you think about it) and all the other silly monikers that have been coming into vogue lately.

Oh, and apologies to all the people named Clint instead of Declan. You poor bastards.

For me it kind of helped that I never accepted a nickname or having Declan shortened to "Dec" or whatever.....

"What is your name?"
"Declan"
"Oh - so what do people call you?"
"err... Declan"
"Oh... so what do people really call you?"
"**** off, ya stupid ****"
"OK Declan"

An external link: Saint Declan (opens new window)

"Even to the present day Declan's name is borne as their prænomen by hundreds of Waterford men, and, before introduction of the modern practice of christening with foolish foreign names, its use was far more common, as the ancient baptismal registers of Ardmore, Old Parish, and Clashmore attest."

MURPHY

The Irish surname Murphy comes from the Irish Gaelic, Ó Murchú / MacMurrough / Ó Morchoe / Ó Murchadha. It is derived from the original Irish word murchadh, which means "sea warrior". The addition of the prefixes Ó and Mac, indicate "descendant of" or "son of". According to legend the Murphy family are the descendants of Heremon and his brother Heber, the ancestors of all of Ireland's ancient Kings.

(I read that on the internethingy somewhere, so it must be true)

Many famous Irishmen and women have been Murphys. Perhaps due to the royal descent, Murphy is a very good name for a beer, so naturally there is a very good beer for the name. And being such an excellent name for Ireland's best stout, it should come as no surprise that a smooth mild tasting blended Irish Whiskey, distilled in Cork since 1825, should also proudly bear the moniker. Murphy is the most numerous of all Irish names, even more so than Suzuki, Sato or Tanaka in Japan. For reasons that continue to escape me, there are no Japanese beers or whiskeys named Suzuki, Sato or Tanaka. And no Murphy's (people, beer or whiskey) in Nymagee. WTF is all that about???

Now while the name Murphy may mean "sea warrior", pirate isn't too far off the mark. Roman archives indicate that before the arrival of Christianity in Ireland, the entrepreneurial Irish across the water from the Roman Empire had a predilection for popping over to Britain in a fast sailing curragh to innocently engage in a spot or two of legitimate kidnapping and piracy as a side business. Piracy of course is how that media savvy publicity hound Saint Patrick got to Ireland in the first place (Saint Declan probably zinged across riding on a rock, but being even more humble than I refrained from including it in the press release).

Perhaps the ancestors of the Murphy clans made piracy a little more than a side business and adopted the ummm, profession, as their clan's name. If so, all power to them. Brands and trademarks are always important things, then and now. The Romans didn't mind a bit of plundering and pillaging from time to time either. And in any case, what did the Romans ever do for us? Brought sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health to the rest of Europe, but when it came to Ireland they didn't have the decency to even invade.

When you think about these things logically, something I always do when enjoying another glass of Midleton Very Rare, without piracy Patrick would have remained in Roman Britain, Ireland would probably still have snakes, and the Irish monks who converted all those pagan Europeans to Christianity after the fall of Rome may never have existed (except for Declan of course).

So raise your glass and drink a toast to what may well be the world's second oldest profession!

Murphy is a surname, in short the name of a family or clan. However recently some (inevitably mostly American) idiots have recently started using Murphy as a given name - and at the rate things are going we'll soon need to enlist a decent druid and put a pox on all their houses, or failing that, return to piracy.

Another Misutaa Marfee

There are Murphys in all four Irish provinces, but they are mostly concentrated in the counties of Antrim, Armagh, Carlow, Cork, Kerry, Roscommon, Sligo, Tyrone, and Wexford. Murphy is the most common surname in Armagh, Carlow and Wexford. My understanding is that it is the most common Irish surname in the diaspora. The Wexford Murphys are the direct descendants of Dermot MacMurrough (1110-1171), who was King of Leinster at the time of the Anglo-Norman invasion, and the most notorious traitor in Irish history. (We are not related) My father was raised in Dublin but the family were originally from the area that is now called County Tipperary.

In Japan, I can't duplicate the sound of Murphy using katakana, so Murphy has become "Marfee", which is easy for Japanese to pronounce because they have usually heard of my (obscure) cousin Eddie Murphy. I write it as

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